This article first appeared in the February issue of the Writer’s Saddle the newsletter for CARWA.

30 Ways to Guarantee a Rejection Letter
By Julie Rowe

1. Misspell the name of the agent or editor.
   
   
2. Email the same query letter to 40 agents all at the same time.
   
   
3. Use a strange font/really tiny letters/really big letters.
   
   
4. Print your query on brightly coloured or black paper.
   
   
5. Send chocolates/roses/other gifts with your query or manuscript.
   
   
6. Sneeze on your query letter or manuscript.
   
   
7. Let your cat walk all over your query letter or manuscript.
   
   
8. Sprinkle perfume on your query letter or manuscript.
   
   
9. Send your partial or full manuscript in a fibre padded envelope.


10. Don’t include an SASE.
    
    
11. Don’t include any of your contact information.
    
    
12. Say in your query that your mother/father/priest/best friend loves your book.
    
    
13. Claim to be the next Stephanie Meyer/Dan Brown/J. K. Rowling/Nora Roberts.
    
    
14. Don’t proofread your query letter.
    
    
15. Start your query letter with a rhetorical question.
    
    
16. Spend most of your query letter explaining the psychology of ALL the characters in your novel.
    
    
17. Don’t bother to research editors and agents – they’re all the same.
    
    
18. Lie.
    
    
19. Include photographs, bookmarks, prayer cards or anything else you think might be “cute” to send along with your query or manuscript.


20. Bind your manuscript.
    
    
21. Don’t follow posted submission guidelines for the agency/publisher.


22. Send a faint photocopy of your manuscript.


23. Wait a week or two then fire off a letter/email/phone call asking if the agent/editor has read your manuscript yet.
    
    
24. Print your manuscript on both sides of the page.


25. Single space your manuscript.
    
    
26. Send a 40 page synopsis.
    
    
27. Spend most of your query letter telling the agent/editor how your book will change their life.
    
    
28. Put the words: If you want to know how it ends you have to read my book! In your query letter or synopsis.
    
    
29. Say you’ve been rejected by 25 other agents/editors in your query letter.
    
    
30. Send your first draft.